Relationships and heartbreak

A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in life. Because the principles of good relationships are universal, they apply not only to romantic relationships, but also to friendship and business relationships, even so this article will be mainly focusing on romantic relationships. Love is conceivably our most commanding emotion, and the need to be in a loving relationship may be one of the strongest needs we all have, right? Being in an intimate relationship makes us feel connected, like we belong. When our hearts are filled with love, we feel profoundly content and satisfied with the universe’s way of life. We become more patient, more empathetic, kinder, gentler towards the next person. Good relationships improve all aspects of our life, strengthening our health, mind, and connections with others around us in our societies. However, if the relationship is not working, it can also be a tremendous drain, syphoning all of our positive energy and transforming it into something so toxic. Relationships are an investment. The more you put in, the more you can get back. Good relationships involve “both sides”. While one side can take the initiative, it still requires the other side to make the relationship a good one, an exciting one. Only by working together can a relationship reach its full potential.

EXPECTATIONS

Now, what is it that is to be expected when one enters a relationship? The problem with high or many expectations is the issue of disappointment (link to previous post), still they are to be considered and put into perception.

• We should expect trust. Your partner should trust you completely. You could be the best significant other ever and it would not matter because you are with someone who is violently insecure and will always find something wrong with you and play the blame game and judgmental at times.

• Expect differences of opinion,

• Expect it to not always feel right,

• Expect to feel a little bit bored sometimes,

• Expect to feel a little overwhelmed the other times,

• Expect to be with someone who loves you as is and does not want to change you. It seems like so many people get into relationships just to transform someone into another person. Why do we do this? Don’t date a fixer-upper. What’s the point?

• Expect your partner to be faithful,

• Expect to be emotionally supported. DON’T expect to be financially supported.

• End to wrap it up, expect them to hate you when it’s over. This might sound crude but it can happen and the possibility of it happening should be accounted for.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Moving on, let us talk about healthy relationships. These are the corner stones to having a strong relationship and as we mentioned before, “it takes two to tango”. Both parties have to be willing to make it work and keep it that way.

1. Find joy in giving.

One of the elementary relationship problems is selfishness. Selfishness occurs when someone focuses more on receiving rather than giving. The more someone attentions on getting, the more selfish they become. Both parties should see the relationship as an opportunity to give. Healthy relationships are built on compromise. Still, it takes work on each person’s part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange.

2. Be willing to change.

In a healthy relationship, both sides must be willing to change. They realize that they are not perfect and there is still a lot of room for improvement. Instead of pointing fingers when something goes wrong, look inside to see if there is something that can be changed. When both sides have this attitude, the relationship matures, evolves into a stronger one.

3. It takes a humble heart to admit mistakes.

In a good relationship, both parties are not afraid to admit mistakes. Instead of being defensive, they openly admit the mistakes they make. They can then work together to correct the mistakes.

4. Listen first.

Both sides should be good listeners. They are willing to understand their partner’s position first before trying to get understood. Listen and reason when you have the facts laid bare in front of you. Being an attentive listener lets your partner know that their thoughts and feelings are important to you. Moreover, good listening encourages partners to open up and be willing to share.

5. Support each other.

By supporting each other, both sides in the relationship get what they need. This may be financial support, mental support in times of turmoil, supporting their ideas not just criticising without any constructive contribution or just being on your partner’s side this goes a long way in ensuring trust and dependency.

6. Be open to each other.

Misunderstanding is one of the basic relationship problems. That is why it is essential that both sides are open to each other. When they have something they don’t like about their partner, they should communicate it rather than just keeping it in their heart and letting it build up into resentment. Of course, this has to be done in a respectful way so as not to offend their partner.

7. Both sides have integrity.

In a good relationship, both parties act in line with what they think and say. They keep their promises. This is important because they can then trust each other. This trust makes the relationship strong.

8. Communicate effectively.

Communication is the principal tool in a good relationship. Go on ahead express your desires and feelings to your partner and you will see the reciprocation flowing through. When people stop communicating well, they stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring out disconnect. As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem you are facing.

9. Be Friends.

Be friends as well as lovers. Any healthy relationship must be based on a solid underlying friendship. People in the happiest relationships regard their partners as friends. Treat your partner with kindness, respect and appreciation as you would a very close friend. Support, listen to, laugh and share hobbies with each other, this will strengthen your relationship.

UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

The moment you ask yourself if a relationship is worth keeping, that is your first red flag. But, these thoughts may be externally influenced by social stereotypes and make you question your own convictions. Taking for example, social media standards for relationships can make one question their own well thought and deliberated choices. Nonetheless, let us mention a few from the many signs of unhealthy relationships.

1. There Is Abuse

It is normal to fight as a couple, but if it already involves abuse in one or more forms (Physical, Verbal, Emotional, Psychological and Sexual), then it is no doubt unhealthy. If not stopped early on, those abuses will become habitual until they have done you severe damages.

2. Demands Exclusivity

A relationship that demands all your time and attention is toxic. It will not allow you to grow as an individual since you are so busy with each other that you have no more time to explore opportunities and work towards your own goals. It also leads to alienation from your family and friends as your world revolves around your partner.

3. Conditional

Unconditional love means you stay with a person whether they meet your standards or not. If your partner pressures you to be someone they can be proud of and threatens you of a breakup if you do not meet their expectations, then is that really love? A person who truly loves you will stick with you, especially during your downtimes.

4. Is not supported by the people who care about you

In case your family, friends, or others who truly love you are not supportive of your relationship, then you have to ask “why?”. It may be a red flag you need to query and look into. Maybe they see something in your relationship or rather your partner that is disapproving. Since they care about you, of course, they do not want you to be in bad hands.

5. Volatility

When someone has a really strong, unpredictable reaction that makes you feel scared, confused or intimidated. A volatile person makes you feel like you need to walk on eggshells around them or they will have extreme reactions to small things. Your relationship with them might feel like a rollercoaster that contains extreme ups and downs. They may overreact to small things, have major mood swings or lose control by getting violent, yelling or threatening you.

The characteristics are a lot; a relationship with no clear direction, distracts you from your priorities, has no transparency and trust, influences you to turn to destructive habits, disrespect and so on are just a few of the red flags we have to be on the lookout for.

HEARTBREAKS

Suffering a breakup is one of the most stressful life events a person can experience. You also should not take full blame for the end of the relationship solely on yourself. Two people were part of that relationship and two people ended it. It is important to understand the symptoms of a broken heart are normal and should only last for a few weeks to a couple of months. These symptoms may include but are not limited to insomnia, depression, anxiety, physical illness due to a suppressed immune system, restlessness and real physical pain. Yes! Actual chest pains and stomach aches due to a heartbreak. Hectic stuff to go through, right? Not to worry, put the matter into your own hands and get over a heartbreak or rather survive it and move on.

1. Give yourself time.

You need to give yourself time to deal with all the emotions that are going to plague you in those first days or months. “Pain demands to be felt” do not push away the emotions but rather go through them. You are going to have lots of emotional ups and downs. Recovering from heartbreak is not a straight line of progression upward, but rather a spiral.

2. Take care of yourself.

One of the most important things to do while you are recovering from heartbreak is to take care of yourself. A lot of times you will be feeling super unmotivated and it can be hard to simply get out of bed or eat, but going that extra mile for yourself can help you from falling into a huge pit of despair. Exercising can be a good way to take care of yourself and boost your mood. Exercise releases endorphins, which can help make you feel happier and you will feel better about yourself in general.

3. Don't fight your feelings.

You are going to be devastated when you encounter heartbreak. There is no way to avoid that and if you fight those feelings you are going to make it harder to deal with them in the long run. Try journaling about how you are feeling. This is an especially good initiative to do if you are bad or uncomfortable at venting to other people about your feelings. Accept that you are going to be going through some emotional turbulence for a bit.

4. Remember that your end goal is to move on.

The heartbreak comes from the trauma of the end of a relationship and once you have moved on from the relationship itself you will be no longer experiencing the heartbreak. Remember you still have a future, even though it no longer involves that other person, you still have hopes and dreams and plans for your life. You will be grieving the loss of the dreams you were working for with the other person, but you will need to remember that you can replace those dreams with new ones. Repeat to yourself "I want to be happy." This mantra will remind you that even though you are in the dumps because of heartbreak, you have no desire to remain there. Remind yourself that you are working towards being happy and getting over your heartbreak is part of that.

5. Seek help.

Sometimes you cannot get over something on your own and you need to seek professional assistance. There is nothing wrong with this or with you and you should not feel ashamed about it. Heartbreak is painful and it stirs up a whole bubbling cauldron of feelings and emotions that can be difficult to deal with.

Winding up the discussion, let us remember to take care of ourselves in these relationships. Love is truly a beautiful thing.